A Disagreement Between Friends

Steven and Lyle were friends. Not the best friends ever, but friends nonetheless. Today, they were having a disagreement. The disagreement was over something trivial, like foreign language poetry. It devolved quickly.

“You’re a real nerd,” Steven said.

“And you’re a dumb-ass,” Lyle replied.

Steven wasn’t a dumb-ass. He was just a little slow. That’s what made him such a nerd. And Lyle? Well, he was a dumb-ass, which is to say, a dork.

“You guys are such dorks,” said Mindy, Lyle’s girlfriend.

Mindy was not a dumb-ass. She was just a little slow. Which is what made her such a nerd. But it wasn’t fair for Steven and Lyle to be called nerds or dorks when they were really just dumb.

“I am not a nerd!” Steven said.

“You are!” said Mindy. “You’re so dumb it’s not even funny.”

“I’m not dumb,” Steven said. “I’m just a little slow.”

“That makes you even dumber,” said Lyle.

“No it doesn’t,” said Steven. “It makes me a nerd.”

“Whatever,” said Lyle. “I’m gonna go watch TV.”

“I’m going to play Call of Duty with my friends,” said Mindy.

Mindy was going to do something that was completely different from watching TV or playing Call of Duty.

Lyle and Steven went to their bedrooms. Lyle closed his door. Steven shut his door. But neither of them actually meant for their doors to lock. That would be dumb. But the fact that they didn’t even mean for their doors to lock is the proof that they are both dorks.

Lyle and Steven opened their doors and peeked through the crack to see what Mindy was doing in the living room. She was sitting on the couch, chatting on her laptop.

“What are you doing?” asked Lyle.

“I’m looking up stuff on the Internet,” Mindy said.

Lyle and Steven were both suspicious. Mindy wasn’t like them. She didn’t have an iPad or a computer or a phone. She couldn’t even use the Internet very well. She always had to ask her parents how to use things. That’s why she couldn’t just go on the Internet by herself like the other kids.

“Why are you looking up stuff on the Internet?” asked Steven. “You’re not doing your homework.”

“I’m looking up stuff on the Internet because I want to find out if you’re telling the truth about being a nerd or if you’re just a dumb-ass,” Mindy said.

Mindy’s parents weren’t home right now, so she was allowed to do things without supervision. And she had access to the Internet. She knew that the best way to find out if Steven was a nerd or a dumb-ass was to look it up on the Internet.

Lyle and Steven both agreed that this was a good idea. Lyle said he would watch TV, and Steven agreed to go to his room. Lyle would then go to his room and watch TV with Mindy, so she could keep an eye on him. That way she would know that he wasn’t watching porn on his computer. She could also see if he was lying to her about how he played Call of Duty, because he would lie about that too.

So Lyle went into his room, and Mindy went into the kitchen.

Lyle’s parents were at work, so he was able to use the computer without getting in trouble. Lyle quickly logged in and started searching for information on the Internet about Steven.

Mindy made herself a sandwich and then sat down on the couch to watch TV.

Lyle used Google to search for “Steven.” The search results gave him the definition of the word “Steven” as well as the definition of the word “Steven.” It also gave him some information about how many results it found for that definition. It didn’t matter if it was 10,000 results or 1 result. Lyle was only interested in finding out what he could learn about Steven.

Lyle looked at the definition of Steven. It said:

Steven: A person who is a little slow.

“Oh yeah?” asked Mindy. “What does that make you, then?”

Lyle’s search results came up on his screen, so he ignored Mindy and continued reading.

The search results included links to Web pages that had been visited thousands of times, as well as Web pages that had been visited hundreds of times and even Web pages that had been visited dozens of times. There were even some that had been visited only a few times. Lyle’s parents didn’t monitor his Internet usage very closely, so there were plenty of links for him to visit.

The first link was titled “Is Steven a Nerd?” It was an article from a magazine called “TeenBeat,” which was written by someone named “Ken.” It talked about how Steven had a friend named “Lyle,” and the two of them had started arguing on Facebook over which was smarter: Steven or Lyle? Steven had been posting articles on “TeenBeat” about foreign language poetry, and Lyle had been posting articles about Call of Duty on “TeenBeat.” Then they started arguing over which one of them was smarter, and it escalated from there.